come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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