i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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