It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Randomize
