If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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