I think I died a long time ago.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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