hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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