I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
