I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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