Old men and throwing up are my life now.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
