is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
