Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I will be naked everywhere
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
