If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
