Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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