so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
