I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
