exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
not ubering you a puppy
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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