I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
