he wants to bone in the snuggie
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
