she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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