i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
