3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize