can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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