I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
