Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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