I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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