Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
it's like iHOP with fire
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
