you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
