So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
