Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
