I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
