i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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