I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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