Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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