I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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