I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
