Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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