The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
