Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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