A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
