I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Randomize
