jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
