Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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