ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
