i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I could make wine with my vomit
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i am craving dick and cupcakes
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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