Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
