i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
