its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
