Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
