Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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