I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
