Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
