He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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