I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
