Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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