Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
