Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
