it's like iHOP with fire
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
