I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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