either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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