ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
