thus making me awesome and them whores
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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