Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I could fuck to npr.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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