I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
