i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
