My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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