May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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