I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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