if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize