Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
