I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
