So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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