Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
