I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
