I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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