I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
