Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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