Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
