This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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