She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
