I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dignity is for republicans.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
