I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
