dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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