We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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