using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
