can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
