The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
