Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
