I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
