There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
