I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
