lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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