best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
So here I am, sexting at work.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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