i was born a porn star she said
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
