i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
