Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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