zippers are such a cool invention
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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