piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
