haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
