All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
