Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize