I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
