There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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