Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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