All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
