I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize