im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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