We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
