I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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