I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
