Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
