Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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